I don't know where the last four years of my life have gone. Time is just flying by and what do I have to show? Have I grown as a person? In some ways certainly. When it comes down to it though, I think I'm still the same confused guy, just with more modes of escape.
What is it to spend years dreaming of something and then getting it and not being certain if its what you really wanted? The world is not what I'd imagined, or at least the people aren't. Why did it always seem like there were so many more hours in a day?
Life has changed when I wasn't looking. I don't know.
Anyway, felt like writing something honest for once.
- Noise:Tegan and Sara - City Girl
What I wanted to talk about tonight though is just something I heard on MPR on the way home from my parents house on "On Being" The scientist who discovered tectonic plates was talking about god, and how a loving god can allow suffering, and part of his argument came down to this. He essentially called the argument childish and explained how when you love someone you don't control them, but wish that they do whats best. This struck me as such a beautifully concise argument.
The argument that there couldn't be a god because there is suffering has always struck me as profoundly annoying. Free will is a gift, an incredible gift - and like anything powerful can be abused. This is our world - and we are free. We are not the slaves of god, and I do not view that as a bad thing.
- Temper: thankful
- Noise:Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Some Loud Thunder
I do believe this to be the longest I have gone without a real post to my live journal, and what a shame eh?
So what’s happened since my last real post in January you ask? Quite a lot really.
Lets start with the basics. March 12th I met a wonderful girl named Elizabeth who I’ve been seeing now for just over six months. There’ve been a few rough spots but overall its going well. We’ve gone on a couple of trips to Iowa, Wisconsin, and quite a few to visit her family in Duluth. Overall it’s been a great time.
The other part is that end of July Stephanie, my former room mate, left in a huff over some complicated stuff I’d rather not get into – I more or less kicked her out but she took the pleasure out of it saying she was already planning on leaving, but she’s now moved back in with her parents.
So I’m living alone now, which is interesting if not a little Spooky – having this whole house all to my self can be a little disconcerting at night when there’s noises coming up from downstairs. I try my best to ignore it.
I do believe my self in an overall better state of mind than I have been in quite some time. When I moved back to Hopkins I was a little bit crazy – I was scared of people, terrified of public spaces, and all that ridiculous stuff. Looking back it seems so silly now, I drive, I go to the store, I hang out with Liz, I’m active for the first time… ever really, and all this adds up to one thing, me sleeping better. Why do I bring this up you ask? The only time I ever really wrote to my Live Journal was late at night, because that is the only time I’m allowed the level of verbosity I enjoy writing with.
Ooh, also, I got a promotion – I am now Senior Developer, or Señor Developer as I prefer it.
Haha, also I have a new love of spending $2 bills – I generally get $100 back as cash when I deposit my check, and I have been explicitly asking for it in $2 bills to varying levels of success. I went to the State Fair and spent only $2 bills and no one even looked twice. Some friends and I were going through the drive through at White Castle though and we paid for 12 sliders with $2 bills – he had to call over his manager to approve the bills; he did.
On an interesting side note – my sister Natalie has/had swine flu, she’s mostly recovered now though. The doctor gave her antibiotics (yes, flu is a virus, but its to prevent other infections – that was my first question) and sent her on her way. Guess theres not too much they can do for flu other than waiting it out. She had a mighty fever for a while. I was asked “Why don’t you bring us chicken noodle soup” and my immediate answer was “Because you have swine flu” which seems a logical response.
I hope to update a little more often, but I think this will be good for now – I should be getting to bed as I am to hang out with Liz tomorrow if she’s feeling better – she has been sick.
- Where:Hopkins, MN
- Noise:Brother Ali - Good Lord
On the friday after Thanksgiving I moved out. Moved back to Hopkins after... a little over 4 years. A friend, Stephanie, rents a room down stairs. I'm living in my parents old room. Living out on my own is interesting, I'm liking it quite a bit. Taking some getting used to, can be lonely at times.
Friend Jeff stayed with me for a few weeks over Christmas break, which helped me get settled in.
Well short post for now. I'll go into more details later. Just don't want to give up on my Live Journal
For anyone I haven't blabbed to about my new Laptop yet, its one of Apples new MacBook Pro's. Link Its machined from a single piece of Aluminum. Has glass in front of the CRT as well as a buttonless glass track pad. Its not only the largest, most sensitive track pad I've ever used, but its multi-touch capabilities are amazing. This thing is soo sturdy feeling... I love it. I also love that the vents are on the vents are not on the bottom, where my Dell had them, so I can in fact safely set this on my bed.
Well its 2 am, and I'm tired. Look forward to another post tomorrow or the next day on some major changes in my life. as well as possibly some updates to this post (photos of the laptop, etc.) I'm just too tired at the moment.
All goes well though, I’m moving out into the Hopkins house when the pipes and van get fixed. Should definitely improve my commute time.
Moreover here is why I’m writing. I got my license Thursday and I was ecstatic. By Saturday I was back to my gloomy self. As I receive more and more of the things I’ve always wanted and they all fail to bring a lasting lack of gloom I question whether or not anything will ever help. I had always assumed it was from lack of being around people, but even in Japan, around good friends for two solid weeks there were times where I was quite gloomy. Well though, now that I have my license this will allow a higher degree of freedom, certainly, and we will see where this leads. This could be a brave new world for me.
Here’s hoping I don’t kill my self driving.
Here's hoping that rant wasn't too crazy for you... its 2 am on a Sunday and I can't sleep.
- Temper: confused
- Temper: indescribable
- Noise:Lambchop - Lets go Bowling
I know someone out there, probably Jeff is still waiting for me to talk about Japan, it has been 2 months now for crying out loud, but my mind is just a mess. Its settled some in the last few weeks, but there's still a ways to go. For now, I give you my favorite photo of me ever, taken in the most amazing hotel I've ever stayed in.
I have been playing a lot of video games lately (finally using my PSP), I have to say though that I don't think they're indusive (not a real word?) to a propper grip on reality, (I know at least once person who does nothing but play games and has a grip on reality far worse than my own) although they have certainly been helping me deal. I think though like as though methadone, they should only be used to help me ease back in to the real world rather than act as a substitute for it.
I was scheduled to take my drivers test this coming Wednesday but canceled because I've missed so much work lately (kidney stone) and didn't feel I should be missing more. I'll reschedule at a later date, hopefully with more driving experience.
There are things I would like to rant about, but I'm tired, and I think I'm going to head to bed. Look forward to more posts soon, anyone left reading this.